Monday, May 25, 2009

Look Who's Hanging Out With The Hottie!

You know you've seen it a thousand times, yet it still doesn't make sense. Some average-looking guy -- maybe even a bit frumpy, unshaven and generally unkept -- is walking hand-in-hand with the most beautiful girl you've ever seen.
How in the world did that happen? (You say as you snort, pick some lint out of your ear and wonder why it can't happen to you.)
That's kinda the way I feel about the Padres just-completed 9-0 homestand.
You talk about a shot out of nowhere! The odds were better of snow last week in Pacific Beach.
Now that's it done, it's still hard to believe. Exactly how is it that a baseball team batted .209 over a nine-game stretch and won every game? (How can a team bat .209 over a nine-game stretch under any circumstances?)
But that's our lovable Friars. The ones with a face only a mother can love.
Look at the many blights on display:
Leading off, a guy with only one hit all season, Tony Gwynn Jr.
Batting second, hitting .226, David Eckstein.
Once those Ty Cobb's set the table, it's time for the .170-swinging Brian Giles, currently earning about $500,000 for every RBI.
The 5-6-7 guys -- the meat (?) of the order -- are all future stars (or so they tell us). Nick Hundley (.250), Chase Headley (.229) and Kevin Kouzmanoff (.236).
Ready to fill-in should any of these '27 Yankees falter are a who's-who of who's that's: Drew Macias, Chris Burke, Josh Wilson, Henry Blanco and any other guy with a glove who comes to the ballpark.
On the pitching staff are Jake Peavy (an ace to be sure, but right now seemingly just auditioning for his next team), Chris Young (a 4.76 ERA for the season with Petco as his home park?) and a bunch of castoffs who I think last pitched for the Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings.
The bullpen names are completely unrecognizable to even the most ardent baseball fan.
Yet, there they are, with a nine-game winning streak in the bag -- representing the longest winning streak by any team in the National League this season.
Of course, there are some concerns about these misfits once they hit the road, which they will do this week playing at Arizona and Colorado. The Padres have lost 11 straight away from the friendliest confines in all of baseball.
But that hardly matters. Because no matter what happens from here on out -- I mean, surely the beautiful girl will be moving on to some lawyer or doctor type once she realizes her mistake -- the Padres can say they (somehow) pulled off the unthinkable.
Nine. Wins. In a row.
I'm getting my skis and heading for Pacific Beach as we speak.

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